


The Cucumber Question

by Noblehunter



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Blow Jobs, Groupie!Lance, M/M, No beta we die like Alteans, PWP without Porn, Shiro calling Lance Baby, TV Star!Shiro and Keith, convention au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:08:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26685655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noblehunter/pseuds/Noblehunter
Summary: Lance catches Shiro’s eye at a convention and gets an answer to one of fandom’s most pressing questions.
Relationships: Keith/Shiro (Voltron) (mentioned), Lance/Shiro (Voltron)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 78





	The Cucumber Question

It was unfair that Lance couldn’t concentrate on the exquisite voice of Takashi Shirogane answer inane questions from the audience. His knee bounced uncontrollably as his nerves sought physical expression. Enough people were chattering there was still a buzz of conversation distracting him from Shiro’s amplified voice. The chairs had been packed in as closely as possible so his anxiety was kicking up a little. Lance had to focus on keeping all his nervous energy bottled up instead of devoting all his attention to Shiro.

It didn’t help that his internal monologue went something like I’m gonna meet Shiro. Me! Talk to Shiro. I’m going to say hi to Shiro! When I meet him. Soon. I get to meet Shiro! Soon! He was more than a little pathetic. But how else was he supposed to feel when he was going to meet his favourite TV star?

“So those beach scenes were filmed really late in the fall,” Shiro said, wrapping up his anecdote. “It looks great but we were freezing.”

The audience laughed at the expression of misery on the actors’ faces.

There was a pause as the next questioner was shuffled forward. Lance noticed, with anticipatory horror that Pidge’s brother, Matt, was up. He’d had way too much fun making fun of Lance earlier.

“Hey everyone,” Matt said. “So since we’re talking about that beach episode. My friend Lance, here,” he waved in Lance’s direction, “really wants to know if that one swimsuit scene had any enhancements.”

The crowd fell deathly silent. Many, if not most, had speculated on the intentionality of the scene. Many, if not most ,of those inclined to appreciate a well-endowed man had speculated if the outline in the soaking wet swim suit was accurate or “had a cucumber stuffed in it” as one wag had put it. Considerable acrimony had arisen over the cucumber hypothesis. No small number of those in the crowd would be pleased to have an answer out of either prurience or exasperation. No one in the crowd could believe someone had actually asked.

Lance buried his face in his arms to hide his blush and from everyone looking to see who Matt’s friend Lance was. He was going to kill Matt slowly. It would be something with skinning, you could keep someone alive for long time while skinning them. Or so he’d heard. With the way Pidge was swearing at Matt, she might even help.

When no answer was immediately forthcoming, the crowd broke into whispers. The sound crawled along Lance’s back and he tried to hunch down into a ball. Crawling under the chairs was starting to feel like a good idea. So was running for the exits. Lance had just found the strength to move when Keith spoke unexpectedly.

“I don’t understand why you guys are so obsessed about this,” he said to the incredulous crowd. “It’s not really any of your business.”

Keith was Shiro’s costar, the twink half of the fandom’s favourite ship. While neither were the star of the show, they were extraordinarily popular. Lance knew that Keith and Shiro were also the subject of a great deal of real person fan fiction. Could he really be that clueless?

“Uh,” Matt said. “Sorry.”

“Let’s try to keep the question less personal for the rest of the panel, okay?” The moderator mercifully intervened.

Lance kept his face hidden for the rest of the panel and prayed for death.

~~~

The only way Lance agreed to go to the signing after the panel debacle was if Matt agreed to run interference. The chance to meet Shiro had been expected to be the pinnacle of the convention but Lance didn’t think he could look Shiro in the eye, now. He could still kill Matt later. Maybe push him out of the car on the freeway. They set out for the signing late but still in time to have a decent chance at getting a signature.

To be safe, Lance had changed into a hoodie and was carefully not looking at anyone. Matt apparently gave no fucks. He was going to be internet famous as the guy who sexually harassed Takashi Shirogane and he hadn’t even changed. No one called them out in line at least. God. He hoped Shiro hadn’t gotten a look at him.

The line moved steadily and Lance vacillated between elation and dread. He really wanted to have a few words with his favourite TV star. He was terrified that Shiro would tell him off. He should just leave. Why humiliate himself any more than Matt already had?

Matt grabbed him before he could duck out of line. “Nope. You gotta get your signature. I’m sure Shiro’ll be cool.”

“Quiet,” Lance hissed. “What if someone recognizes you?”

“It’ll be fine,” Matt whispered.

“I should have gotten Pidge to get my stuff signed.”

“Then you wouldn’t get to meet Shiro-the-Hero.”

“I know where you sleep and Pidge is angry with you.”

Matt raised his hands. “I surrender.”

“So you’ll let me go?” Lance made as if to edge his way out of line.

“Nope,” Matt grabbed him again. “I missed a panel on prop-making for this. You’re getting the autograph.”

They weren’t that far from the signing table. Lance allowed that it would be a waste to duck out now. Matt was right, Shiro probably wouldn’t be a jerk. Especially since Lance hadn’t done anything wrong. Lance spent the rest of the wait trying to convince himself of that.

“So who do I make this out to?” Shiro asked. He didn’t sound like he’d been saying that for almost an hour.

“Lance.” He almost choked when Shiro did a double-take and then glanced at Matt.

“Did you really want to know about the swimsuit?”

It didn’t at sound like Shiro had just asked if Lance wanted to know how big his cock was.

Instead of some defense or justification, Lance some how said, “Me and every other male-oriented fan. I didn’t ask this asshole,” he jabbed Matt with his elbow, “to make a scene about it though.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s not the worst question we’ve been asked.”

Shiro smiled and Lance’s heart stopped. He blinked and recovered while Shiro bent his head to scribble on the page Lance had brought for that purpose.

“Enjoy the rest of the con.” Shiro handed Lance the paper and it was over.

Lance stared at the paper while Matt led him away from the signing table. He’d done it. He’d gotten Shiro’s signature. Lance hadn’t been yelled at or mocked or ignored or any of the other nightmare scenarios he’d imagined. He was so close to swooning that it wasn’t until they where almost to the restaurant where they were meeting the others than Lance noticed Shiro had written more than just a signature and a platitude.

Come to room 1638 at midnight and you can get the answer to the swimsuit question ;)

It was only the overriding need to keep Matt from noticing anything that kept Lance from stopping dead in his tracks. Holy shit. Shiro was inviting him up to his room for a booty call. Fuck. After Matt had humiliated Shiro, he was inviting Lance to his hotel room? It had to be a trick. There was no way Shiro needed to resort to Lance for a hook up. He was going to show up and Keith was going to kick his ass.

He made it through lunch by allowing everyone to assume that he overcome by simply being in Shiro’s presence. He begged off dinner saying that he needed to crash so he wouldn’t pass outduring the evening panels. That let him retire to their hotel room for some privacy.

After desperately getting himself off in the shower, he did as much self-care as possible. He hadn’t brought much with him, just basic moisturizer and decent soap but a call to the front desk got him a not-awful face mask. He ransacked his suitcase for clothes that didn’t scream dateless nerd. Okay. His con clothes weren’t that bad but he wasn’t going to show up in a shipping wars t-shirt. He’d gotten half an outfit picked out when he realized everyone would know something was up if he showed up in his sexy clothes. Back to the drawing board.

He settled on his hoodie but swapped out his comfortable jeans for skinny ones.His shower and mask left him refreshed and clean. He’d put on cologne, a pineapple and fruity scent, and anti-perspirant and was probably the best groomed fan at the con. He was still woefully under prepared for an ordinary date, let alone a hookup with his favourite actor.

When Pidge gave him an interrogative look, Lance explained, “I thought I might try and hook up with someone at the dance after the cosplay masquerade.” All true.

“Remember, no bringing anyone back to our room,” Pidge said.

“I promise,” Lance said with great sincerity. 

When the dance started, Lance tucked any concerns he had about the invitation away and focused on enjoying himself. After the drama of the afternoon, it was good to be just a fan again. Even if there was probably an internet shitstorm brewing. Tonight, he was going to laugh at silly videos, dance his feet off, and then go to Shiro’s hotel room. 

Midnight found him on the sixteenth floor turning the wrong way out of the elevator. He was slightly drunk so it took him a few tries to find the right hall. So he was a little late when he knocked on the door to room 1638. He still didn’t deserve the death glare a damp-haired Keith gave him.

“I hope you know that Shiro is taking a risk hooking up with you,” Keith said. “If you fuck him over I will destroy you.”

Lance nodded, wide-eyed and noted that Keith’s on-screen intensity wasn’t an act.

“Good,” Keith said. “I’m going to hang out with Allura. I’ll be back in an hour or so.” He stepped around Lance and out in the hall. “Go on in.”

Lance swallowed and went inside. It was a slightly larger version than their own hotel room. It had a king-sized bed. Shiro sat in a chair positioned so that he facing towards the door. He had a towel wrapped around his waist. Water drops speckled his chest. The drape of the towel across his thigh suggested the swimsuit shot had been honest.

Water drops. “Where you and Keith having a shower?” Lance blurted.

“Yeah.” Shiro gave another of his blinding smiles. “It saves water.”

“You have a lot of showers with Keith?” Lance asked.

“Plenty,” Shiro said. “I like giving him a hand.”

Lance just stared at Shiro. “You and Keith jerk off in the shower?” That was huge news. All the discourse over Sheith and Lance knew the truth. Shiro and Keith were together. Lance whimpered, thinking about the two of them was incredibly hot.

“We sleep together whenever we can.” Shiro’s smile took on a slightly malicious edge.

“Why are you telling me this?” Lance asked, suspicion gnawing away at the elation.

“So you don’t think I’m cheating on Keith by getting you to blow me,” Shiro said. “And because no one will ever believe you.”

Horror blossomed in Lance’s chest. “I can’t tell anyone about this. This is the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I can’t tell anyone.”

Shiro laughed. “It’s almost the best part.”

“Almost?” Lance asked shyly.

“The best part is getting a blow job from a pretty boy.” The towel started to tent up. “I’ll take off the towel if you take off your clothes.”

Lance’s spun head with arousal and anticipation. He was harder than he thought possible. He pulled his hoodie off.

“Come here,” Shiro said.

Lance walked in front of the chair. Shiro reached forward to caress Lance’s side. He ran his hand around to the fly of Lance’s jeans. “Can I?”

“Sure,” Lance said.

Shiro snapped open the button of Lance’s jeans. Lance had to smile at Shiro having to painstakingly peel the jeans down. When Lance could finally step free of them the towel had been disarrayed giving Lance a tantalizing glimpse of thigh.

“Bananas?” Shiro asked when he saw Lance’s underwear.

“I didn’t pack anything sexy,” Lance admitted.

“So take them off,” Shiro suggested.

Lance slipped them off. Shiro grinned and flipped the towel back. It hadn’t been a cucumber in the swimsuit.

“You’re huge,” Lance exclaimed.

Shiro grabbed Lance’s cock. “You’re a nice handful, too.” He grabbed Lance’s hip and pulled him forward. “On your knees, pretty boy.”

Lance went to his knees. Shiro tugged his head forward.

“That’s it,” Shiro murmured. “I know it’s big but you can take it.”

It was bigger than Lance had taken before but he was up for the challenge. He rubbed his cheek against it before taking the head into his mouth. His lips stretched almost painfully. Lance backed off and wet lips.

“Fuck you’re a tease,” Shiro said.

“I gotta work up to it.” Mustering more spit Lance stretched his lips back over Shiro’s cock.

The head of Shiro’s cock immediately rubbed against the roof of his mouth. Lance relaxed and let his jaw drop forward. Shiro moaned as Lance found a better angle. He got half of Shiro’s cock in his mouth. Its head lodged in the back of his throat and Lance pulled off, choking.

“Keep going,” Shiro said, a little breathless.

Determined to get it right, Lance dived back on Shiro’s cock. He couldn’t deep throat it but he got the head to the back of his throat again. Shiro grabbed his head with both hands and began to fuck Lance’s face.

“Oh yeah,” Shiro groaned. “Just like that.” 

Lance moaned in response. How did Shiro know he liked having face fucked? It was almost as good as actually being fucked. Shiro knew how to do it, too. He kept a steady rhythm and Lance could relax and enjoy the feeling of cock on his tongue. He jerked himself off in time with Shiro’s thrusts.

“Fuck, baby,” Shiro said. “You’re so good.”

Lance’s toes curled at the endearment. He tried to open his throat or tighten his lips to signal his approval. He was aware that he couldn’t moan any louder. That he’d been moaning since Shiro started pounding into his face.

“Come on, baby, come on,” Shiro said. “Be good just a little longer.”

Lance’s own orgasm was building between his thighs. His dick throbbed in time with Shiro’s thrusts. Shiro’s cock filled his whole mouth. He barely felt the carpet under his knees. Just the steady presence and absent of Shiro’s cock.

“Here it comes, baby.” Shiro’s thrusts sped up and Lance’s hand matched him. Shiro’s hips stopped and bitterness filled Lance’s mouth. Shiro moved Lance’s head with his hands, even as Lance choked on come. It spilled out the side of his mouth.

“Fuck, baby,” Shiro said. “Fuck, Lance.”

Lance came at the sound of his name on Shiro’s lips. He had to swallow the rest of Shiro’s come to breath through his orgasm. He rested his head on Shiro’s thigh while he shuddered through the aftershocks.

“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.” Shiro gently stroked Lance’s hair.

“I like big dicks and guys who aren’t afraid to use them,” Lance said.

Shiro laughed. “Trying to talk yourself into my bed?”

“Well,” Lance drew out the word. “If Keith wouldn’t mind.”

“Sorry, baby.” Shiro did actually sound apologetic. “I have an early start tomorrow and we’re leaving town after dinner.”

Lance stomped on his disappointment. He’d just sucked off Takashi Shirogane. He had no reason to be disappointed.

“I could give you my number in case you want some company if you come back in town?”

“You live here?” Shiro sounded surprised.

“About half an hour away,” Lance said. “A hotel room was easier than the commute.”

“Sure, and then let’s get you cleaned up.”

Once Lance’s number was safely in Shiro’s phone, Shiro grabbed some cloths dampened with warm water and gently cleaned the come from Lance’s face, hands, and crotch. He was even more attentive getting Lance’s clothes back on. Shiro knelt to help Lance back into his underwear and jeans. He kissed a line up Lance’s thigh and left a hickey at the crease of thigh and hips. Lance was hard again and Shiro gently tucked his erection into his boxers and then again pushed it out of the way of Lance’s fly. Shiro laughed at Lance’s frustrated noises.

“You’re in a perfect position to return the favour,” he grumbled.

“I hate to admit fault but I’m not really fond of giving head,” Shiro admitted.

“You’re great at getting it.”

Shiro escorted Lance to the door, still gloriously naked and also showing signs of renewed interest. Lance stopped with his hand reaching for the doorknob.

“You’re going to fuck Keith, aren’t you,” he said.

Shiro looked slightly embarrassed. “Yeah. He likes to stake his claim.”

“Tell him to stick around next time,” Lance said. “I don’t mind putting on a show.”

“Off you go,” Shiro said, smiling. This smile was smaller but warmed Lance to his bones.

Lance had not yet turned the doorknob when Shiro said, “Wait,” and kissed him. It was a full body embrace of a kiss. Lance put his hands on every inch of Shiro he could reach.

“There, now you can go.”

Unsteady on his feet and feeling like he’d just walked out of wonderland, Lance whistled for the entire walk of shame back to his apartment.

**Author's Note:**

> Can you tell I originally wrote this last year?


End file.
